Verge of breaking down,

Hi, I'm leaving for Taiwan in 2 days time. Tell me. Should I be sad or happy. I'd been feeling low every single day. Very very low. I had been hiding my feelings, and would continue to do so. Because it just benefits my relationship, friendship and kinship. I don't want to go to Taiwan because I would definitely miss boyf. Imagine 7 days without contacting. Sighs. I've no idea how I feel. Neither do I have any words to describe it. I felt even worse when I'm all alone. Just having me, myself and I to talk to. I juts want to cry. Cry, like a helpless child. Ya' know?

No one knows. No one knows how hard it's to supress all the feeling. How much I long to cry. How helpless am I but. No, I needed to be strong for everyone to see. Nightmares, who loves it? I feel so numb all over. I wanna dig a hole and hide inside till death knocks on the door.

(I realised that, the more I posted on my blog, the more I cry. Why?)
(Because, I know I'm letting things out.)

MJ, save me, will you?